Pleasing none of the people, all of the time.
Posts tagged ruined childhood
The irony of Captain Planet.
13 years ago
The irony that Captain Planet is physically hurt when exposed to pollutants, yet wears tight, modern manufactured clothes that are known pollutants (his suit is either Lycra, spandex, or some other synthetic, it cannot be cotton or another natural fiber because it is not absorbent). Since these are synthetic fibers produced in such a way that causes pollution, and are in fact pollutants themselves, Captain Planet’s uniform should in fact hurt him. If anything, he should be wearing flowing, hand knit, wool or hemp robes. The only possible solution I can think of is that he is naked and his skin is colored to look like clothing, but that is highly unlikely for a wholesome Saturday morning cartoon.
This is a paradox because, while the fact that he fights pollution is PC, he most clothe himself, which by the strictest definitions (which he should adhere) seems to be Un-PC, at least in the way he does (with synthetics).
Not to mention the irony that simply producing the electricity needed to make an animated television show and broadcast it to children everywhere (or, you know, in major industrialized countries) seriously hurts the environment? What do you say to that, Captain Planet?
The Lion Khan: Capitalism meets communism, meets children, wins Oscars.
43 years ago
It has been nearly a decade since I’ve watched this epic Disney classic. Now that I am older, wiser, smarter, and weirder, I have found new ways to ruin the innocence of Disney movies. The most recent discovery being that Walt Disney was imposing his communist lifestyle upon us. Instead of using the lions’ names, we will use their communist equivalents: Mufasa is Czar Nikolaus, Simba is Trotsky (or possibly Lenin), and Scar is Stalin. The song “Be Prepared” is about the revolution and the assassination of the royal family. (Russian Czar Nikolas II). Stalin’s conversation with Trotsky involves telling him to run away, and shortly after he tries to kill him. Trotsky gets removed from the communist party and is deported from the Soviet Union (Pride Rock). Simba, the King, representing capitalism, returns and restores peace and justice to the land, with the help of Pumbaa (fat capitalist pig) and Timon (representing individuality). There is also Zazu, who represents the oppressed, overworked Civil Servant, who under Simba’s reign, thanks to the small capitalist government, is free and happy. But under Scar’s rule, due to the large communist government, he is practically locked up – cunningly represented by the bone cage which he was imprisoned.
“Hakuna Matata”, Timon and Pumbaa’s attempt to remove the Red from Simba; don’t worry about it, don’t worry about anyone, as long as you’re watching your own back. Simple selfish capitalist philosophy. Their problem free philosophy? Just don’t worry about it. I’m sure the environment will be fine.
The Wildebeest obviously represent the proletariat, and Rafiki represents the role of religion in a libertarian society.
To recap on how the Lion King is communist:
- The song “Be Prepared” is about the revolution and assassinating the royal family. (Russian Czar Nikolas II)
- When the hyenas march past Stalin, they look like they are performing the goose step, prevalent in the Nazi, Fascist, and Communist armies.
- That crescent moon is representing a sickle no?.
- Stalin’s conversation with Trotsky, when he tells him to run away (then tries to kill him).
- Stalin oversees a time where food gets less and less yet still claims everyone is better off under him than the previous lot.
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