TOP 5IVE…

  • things that only happen in movies:
  1. If you’re outnumbered in a fight, your enemies will wait (playing imaginary DDR) their turn to attack you.
  2. The lack of airport security when you need to tell someone you love one last thing.
  3. Jumping into a cab and shouting “Follow that car!”. Then paying with a random amount of money you grab out of your pocket is exact change.
  4. Finding a parking spot right outside the building you need to go to.
  5. When hung up, the phone goes to a dial tone.
  • patrons you want to punch in the face as you wait next in line to them:
  1. The first time Redbox customer.
  2. Indecisive bread person at Subway (please don’t ask if they want it toasted)
  3. The side-cutter refill guy at McDonalds.
  4. The customer that is relentless in her pursuit of finding that penny in her purse just so she can get a quarter back instead of 24 cents.
  5. The customer behind you with one little item that wants you to notice so that you’ll let her cut in front of you… never.
  • dumb habits:
  1. Pushing really hard on the remote control when you know the batteries are weak… and then you smack it against the palm of your hand.
  2. When we’re fighting off our hunger at night (or when we’re just too lazy or broke to go out), we tend to walk back and forth to the fridge hoping something new to eat will appear.
  3. Pressing your floor button again and again when the elevator is going really slow. Or rapidly pressing the “close door” button hoping no one else will come in.
  4. Slowly ducking your head while driving a large car into a small ceiling garage.
  5. Make facial expressions while talking on the phone and leaving messages on an answering machine that people never listen to.
  • signs you’re getting old:
  1. You hear your favorite song in the elevator.
  2. Your belly button is between your tits.
  3. You wake up at 5am.
  4. You leave a NBA game early to beat traffic.
  5. It hurts to get in AND out of bed.
  • common embarrassing moments:
  1. Mistaking someone for the wrong gender.
  2. Mistaking someone for being pregnant.
  3. Forgetting someones name that’s the same as yours.
  4. Looking at old pictures with friends and they notice you’re wearing the same shirt.
  5. Slamming an door that cannot be slammed.

Other 5ives.