TOP 5IVE…

  • times you look both ways:
  1. Crossing the street, even if its one-way.
  2. Tell a black joke.
  3. Screen a friends call in public.
  4. Take free things home. (A handful of ketchup packets from Jack in the Box, Splendas from Starbucks)
  5. After using the urinal, to determine whether or not you have to wash your hands.
  • small inconveniences that make life irritating:
  1. Hearing your pulse when you’re comfortably trying to sleep.
  2. Going to dinner with someone who doesn’t care where we eat, and in addition to not making any suggestions on where to eat, he says no to every one of yours.
  3. Using a shopping cart with a broken wheel.
  4. Putting up with a phone that you have to work around some major problem with it. “5″ key doesn’t work, broken trackball, ect.
  5. That annoying ass track on CD’s that are 14 minutes long, but are two songs with 6 minutes of silence between them.
  • things more likely to happen to you than winning the lottery:
  1. Getting killed in a car accident on the way to purchase your lottery ticket.
  2. Being struck by lightning.
  3. Being struck twice by lightning.
  4. Die in your bathtub.
  5. Almost anything.
  • signs that you’re lazy:
  1. You use disposable cups to avoid doing dishes, even worse you try to eat cereal out of a baking tray with a spatula.
  2. You purchase new clothing in lieu of doing laundry.
  3. You will try anything to get the remote that is not that far away from the couch, as long as it does not involve getting off the couch.
  4. You type with one hand because you’re ridiculously comfortable.
  5. You cut your top ten lists in half.
  • dumb things people don’t say anymore (thankfully).
  1. Sike! (Psych?)
  2. No Shit Sherlock
  3. Shiznits
  4. All that and a bag of chips.
  5. Talk to the hand.

Other 5ives.