Afghanistanic

My 2nd tour being a 88N (transportation management coordinator) in the Army reserves, my first tour was in Tallil AB, Iraq.

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The balcony.

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9 months ago
by Hoho in

There is a place,
a place like no other.
Superman has his fortress,
athlete’s have their podium,
I have a simple balcony.

It is overlooked by many,
yet it overlooks everything.
It is a pinnacle, a summit,
and below lies my sanctuary.
My problems are left at the entrance,
and I am free from my this prison,
and the prison of my thoughts.

There is always a gentle breeze,
that carries warm wishes and gentle hopes
and in the epicenter of chaos
I briefly forget where I am.

Specialty_And_Military_Care_Packages=Treats-For_Troopers=SKU_819102

The care package list (revised).

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9 months ago
by Hoho in , , ,

For your sake, I’ve made a printable/mobile shopping list for you, to avoid reading all the awesome wit I’ve written below.

Mans necessity for destruction and power at its pinnacle lies war. There are many elements that compose war: weaponry, personnel, tactics, equipment, ect.; the list goes on, but there is no more important element to war than care packages. Granted, the former statement, a strictly fictional one, for your sake and mine, we will consider it absolute truth, and with that being said – I have made a very simple way you can contribute to the war, but more importantly, my morale, general well-being, and your sense of satisfaction. While you may think its okay to send me illicit drugs and pornography, I assure you its a little more complex than that, but first and foremost here is where you shall be mailing your tax write off* to:

Michael “Hoho” Hogan
313th JMCB
APO, AE 09354


*Not a legitimate tax write off

1. Fresh baked cookies: Cookies are as good as currency out here, maybe even better. You can get currency anywhere around here if you really wanted to. From the finance building, AAFES, the local vendors, or even someone in a very deep sleep, however you cannot get fresh baked cookies, mainly due to the lack of ingredients and readily available ovens. As far as possessing cookies, they rank quite high on the barter market, but there is much greater delight to eat your love and efforts. Please no peanut butter, even though I’m not allergic to them, to not sound like an asshole, I’ll just say that I am.

2. Asian Snacks: This is a very broad and vague category, don’t let that deter you. Its very easy, you go into an Asian market, and if its a snack you happily toot it and boot it (buy it and ship it). I was going to make this to the melody of the Sound of Music, but I’m sure I failed at it, since I’m not incredibly familiar with the tune, and Asian words confuse me, syllable wise. Here are a few of my favorite things (asian snack remix version):

Tasty dried mangoes and also dried seaweed,
Nagayara nuts are delicious indeed,
Lychee jellies in the large multi-packs,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

Meiji Yan Yan, Pocky, and Hello Panda,
Wasabi peas, shrimp chips, and candy-soda,
Various fruit gummies in different sacks,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

When I’m lonely,
Or quite hungry,
Or getting shot at,
I take a bite into my favorite snack,
and then I get a little fat.

3. Mixed Nuts: This is rather self-explanatory, so I’ll save you the jibber-jabber and get to the nitty-gritty. Cashews, almonds, Macadamia nuts, and walnuts are my favorite nuts. To justify the fact that I don’t really like peanuts, peanuts are actually a legume and don’t fit the category, but to ride along with the whole beggars cant be choosers philosophy, I’m satisfied with the fact you’re thinking of me. Roasted, salted, plain, raw, or smoked, they’re all fine to me, however, I lean a little towards the raw side. I thought of making a 2nd top ten list, but that would just be too much for you, a flow chart would be better, but far too time consuming. Oh, pistachios are grand too. Smokehouse almonds are my favorite.

4. Ramen: This is extremely self explanatory. Inexplicably the cheapest, hottest meal one can get – its without a doubt one of the most convenient things to have in a very close vicinity. As far as ramen or any form of instant noodles go, non-Maruchan or non-Nissin is perfect. As far as they type, they’re all delectable, be it Yakisoba, rice noodles, ramen, Korean, Japanese, even kiddie Pokemon stuff, sky’s the limit. Spicy is my favorite flavor. Surprise me! Here is a decent example:

5. Caffeine: Most notably, tea. Whole leaf if possible. Those pyramid bags are tasty too, but if you get those, get them for yourself, they’re that good. I don’t drink soda, those flavored water things taste like cancer, and frankly water gets tiring after awhile, luckily I drink tea, beyond religiously. Since I’ve been here, I came to the realization that coffee is the greatest thing in the world, and have become dependent on it. I’m not to the baller status where I can drink it black, but I am trying to cut sugar out of my diet, so cream will do. Also I don’t have a grinder out here, so you will have to send me grounds.

6. The 3 S’s: Seasonings, spices, and sauces. I have the same breakfast daily, the lunch menu on a three day rotation, and the dinner menu on the same seven day rotation. Needless to say, the lack of variety gets to be a bit cumbersome. Luckily there is a fortune mathematical equation out there. X + Hot sauce = hot sauce, X representing any type of food.
-Any hot sauce will suffice, the favorites are always good, however Tabasco is bountiful out here.
-Premixed seasonings do well, Ms. Dash, Emeril’s ect.
-Any specialty mustard and anything garlic (minced/salt/ect.)

7. Hygiene & Miscellany: : Due to my marketing behavior I have become very loyal to branding. The PX out here is is less than suitable, and rarely even lacks the bare essentials for hygeine. They never have my soap I use, Dove Face&Body, it’s in a gray box with white lettering and orange accents. Then there is the necessity to shave, which I hate. I have an eletric, however I don’t have the braun clean and renew cleaning refills. The other shaving alternative, Gilette Fusion will suffice just well.

8. American Snacks: I figure if I’m going to “defend” a country, I may as well indulge in the snacks it has to offer. While they don’t compare to that of a much larger continent that I leave unnamed, I am lazy and love eating. I don’t feel like writing a song, but below are nine awesome snacks. If you get me Chukar Cherries I will love you forever.

9. Not Alcohol: Whatever you do, you must not send me alcohol. Life is here is very bland and un-entertaining, and liquor would only put an end to that. Since you’re not going to send it, then I don’t have to tell you to repackage it into seal-able plastic bottles, preferably Gatorade bottles, and tape them up. The best liquor not to send is anything of the clear variety. There is a time and a place for liquor and the battlefield is not one of them. I will enjoy it when I get back. Also you will not not get in trouble for not sending it, and neither will I. Please please please don’t send me any alcohol whatsoever. 

10. Really frivolous shit: With the upcomingness of my birthday, Christmas, secular and non-secular Holidays, or any other gift giving occasion closing in on us, I can understand the unyielding desire to want to purchase me higher end items, before I have the opportunity to buy them for myself. Normally I would politely decline, but I would hate to deprive you of the pleasure of imaging the look on my face when I open your box across the world.

HM: Cash. What says you care more than cash? I suppose 10 other things do. That and I assume gift cards are usually passed around more than cash during the holidays. Nonetheless, if you decide to throw some my way, it will not be frowned upon in any way, shape, or form. The more copious the amount the better. Also, if I acquire enough, I may “earn” a discharge from the military. If you’ve read this far, or were clever enough to skip to the end, I’ll probably get you something random from my travels upon my return.

5. Ramen: This is extremely self explanatory. Inexplicably the cheapest, hottest meal one can get – its without a doubt one of the most convenient things to have in a very close vicinity. As far as ramen or any form of instant noodles go, non-Maruchan or non-Nissin is perfect. As far as they type, they’re all delectable, be it Yakisoba, rice noodles, ramen, Korean, Japanese, even kiddie Pokemon stuff, sky’s the limit. Surprise me! Here is a decent example:

948-disposition

948th disposition chart.

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10 months ago
by Hoho in

Disposition chart, perhaps agreed upon by the unit.

(not shown: Dansby, who would be at loathe)

kandaharposter

Reason IX: Kandahar.

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10 months ago
by Hoho in ,

Kandahar.This is me, trying to make sense of things again. So three months ago I got sent to battalion, to work for them, I wasn’t happy about it, and asked my unit and battalion if it were possible for me to work with my organic unit. Nonetheless things didn’t pan out, but adjusted, and am more than content with my situation. Needless to say, my unit did something wrong, and the majority of them are going to Kandahar, problem is, they are short bodies. This is where I come in. Battalion doesn’t want me to leave, I don’t want to leave battalion, its a mutual feeling. I don’t have to see my unit, my unit doesn’t have to see me. Battalion will find a bodies to give to the my unit, and everyone is happy, perfect harmony, it really, truly is.

When I asked to be sent back originally, I imagine the try wasn’t harder than trying to throw a dart. Now that there is this harmony, the try has upgraded to the full study of darts, aerodynamics, velocity, anatomy and physiology. Why give me up then fight so hard to get me back? Why drag me down with you? You gave me up for a reason, now you get a replacement, sounds like win win to me. You don’t deal with my bullshit, and I don’t deal with yours. Why disrupt this harmony?

This is a case of mountains out of molehills. Chalk it up to the list.

Attitude is everything.

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10 months ago
by Hoho in , , ,

You know those segments in shows of a comedic/entertainment nature that have those segments of seriousness: Bob barker used to say “spay or neuter your pets” and a lot of those family sitcoms always had the life message to deliver. Well, this is mine. If I could have you read anything off my site, I would prefer this. I still remember my first two months here, the first month was awful, it wasn’t that bad in contrast to what a lot of people go through, for me however, it was the lowest I can ever recall feeling. Things improved the month after, but I couldn’t shake the mindset of being miserable, even though I had no reason to be.

So one random day, I was being my butt-hurt self, hating everything. Be it fate, gross coincidence, or some chemical imbalance, a revelation came from the blue. I was scrolling Facebook, and noticed three people simultaneously using the phrase FML in a very unfunny manner. The only thing that made it more profound was that I had an email about the starving children in Africa, and had one of those decrepit images to go a long with an even powerful message.

  • Whiny asshole #1: “I have to get up tomorrow at 6 to work FML”
  • Whiny asshole #2: “My printer won’t print my essay FML”
  • Whiny asshole #3: “I have the worst migrane FML”

These may seem like legitimate complaints, but think of it this way. America is one of the most privileged countries in the world, and the poorest %5 of Americans are richer than 70% of the world; there are rewards that are dependent on the amount of effort you put into receiving them. So complaint one, there are Americans, Americans struggling to make ends meat, on the job hunt for over a year. Complaint two we have a person who is complaining about a luxury. There are at least 5 billion people in the world without internet access, much less even knowing what this “printer” is. As for complaint three, we all get headaches, and granted you self-diagnosed yourself with migraines based off web-MD, there are millions of people who are sick due to lack of nutrition and clean drinking water. Of course instead of lending any help, much less sympathy to these people, we rather broadcast our complaints for… I honestly don’t know. I understand we get down sometimes, its human, and we need to emotionally reset, but there are billions of people who don’t even have the opportunity to live. Although I can only share my experience, you may have to experience it on your own level, but thanks to being broken down, I tend to have a greater appreciation for everything, even the minor inconveniences. The next time you get down, I want you to think of the billions of people who never get a chance to experience millions of things you have to be thankful for. Donate to charity. Be sponsored for a charity. Take some time out of your life to help the less fortunate. You’ll honestly feel better. For me I hope I can keep this mindset forever, because I haven’t complained since.

One percent of your time and average American salary a year: 88 hours & $400.

My two favorite charities:

http://www.redcross.org/
http://liveunited.org/

On a lighter note, for men, granted all the time you stare at those things, you really should pay them in a form that is neither a porn subscription, or a strip club (although that can be justified by paying for their college education, har har)

http://komen.org/

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948th personnel alignment.

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11 months ago
by Hoho in

948th unit personnel alignment.

Click for larger.

So back in the day I used to play Baldur’s Gate, and I’ve seen this chart a few times on Reddit, mostly done with meme’s and related. I thought it would be a good idea to base one of my unit. Of course I had no idea it has any correlation to D&D.

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Hundred day mark.

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12 months ago
by Hoho in , ,

top 100

Today is a special day. Well, actually it isn’t. It is just like every other day, and to prove this point I actually wrote this a couple weeks before I posted it. While it holds very little significance or value, it has provided an occasion for me to write a article that is far too much reading to be interesting, better known as a top 100 list. I present to you the top hundred list of things I miss.

  1. friends & family
  2. the doorway
  3. logic / reason
  4. freedom / liberty
  5. variety / choice
  6. sex
  7. real food
  8. unrestricted high speed internet
  9. home
  10. days off
  11. “peers”
  12. intelligent conversation
  13. competition
  14. consistency
  15. personal space
  16. convenience
  17. indoor plumbing
  18. drinking / beer / Putters
  19. NPR
  20. attractive people
  21. restaurants
  22. Sundays
  23. venues / movies
  24. working on random projects / experiments
  25. smartphones / Words with Friends
  26. basketball / team sports
  27. art
  28. board games / spades
  29. queen sized+ beds
  30. cooking
  31. travelling / road trips (with minimal chance of death)
  32. golf / bowling
  33. sanitation / not fucking dust everywhere
  34. clothing
  35. driving
  36. grass
  37. pavement / not walking on rocks
  38. supermarkets / shopping
  39. getting high
  40. animals
  41. not having to carry a gun everywhere
  42. my desk setup
  43. California
  44. Washington
  45. personal space
  46. school (granted I’m going online)
  47. blasting music
  48. SCII
  49. gambling
  50. …. Wal-Mart

blegh. Half assed is the American way, unless you want to read fifty different types of food. Even shit I hate, I miss. Traffic lights and nemeses-es alike.

procrastination

Top 10: The Afghanistan goals list.

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1 year ago
by Hoho in , ,

I’m a firm believer in under promise and over deliver, it’s an eloquent way of saying “aim low” (thus to not disappoint yourself in the future yet be pleasantly surprised). However, in this case, I have an entire year to “fix” my self-discrepancy theory, so to really aim high and set a lot of goals, seems fitting. If I nail it, perfect – I set out what I wanted to do, under complicating conditions. If I come relatively close, great – I’m well justified and it’s progress. If I’m not even close at all, amazing – I’ll realize I’m a failure, and carry out my days getting a low paying job, masturbating frequently, and completely engulf myself in a MMO until I die, completely stress free. Here goes nothing:

  1. For someone who loves traveling, I certainly don’t do enough of it. I’ll accredit a lot of my passion for travel to my father, for taking me across the States as a child, which I’m very thankful for. While the world may lie explored, there’s not enough you know about yourself until you know what you’re missing out on. Of all the culture, character, and fun that comes from traveling, I can’t comprehend how traveling can be disliked. All that said, I’m finally making a trip down to Europe for R&R, and while its for only a couple weeks, I’m quite possibly looking more forward to that returning home. And yes, I plan to travel throughout Afghanistan as little as possible.
  2. In order to make the following goals a hell of a lot easier to accomplish, I have to stop doing one thing that’s screwed me more times than a newlywed, in addition to probably shaving years off my lifespan. Procrastination. It’s great isn’t it? Why do what you can do today that you can put off until tomorrow? For the two aforementioned reasons, I really have to stop. I’ve screwed myself out of great opportunities and money putting things off far too long, not to mention I’ve dealt with that stress the entire time. To top it off, I normally don’t even get the things done that I put off.
  3. I’ve been in college far too long, and really don’t have a whole lot to show for it other than a bunch of scattered college courses. Luckily I’ve found the closest thing I can gauge to a calling in life, and plan to run into it head first. I’m aiming for 30 credit hours, 36 would be ideal, and anything more than that is beyond perfect. I’ll settle for 24, but I’ve only been in Afghanistan for a little less than a week now, and my job may be subjective to change, however if it isn’t. Class will go by quite smoothly, it most likely regardless of a job change or not. Plus I really really need to keep my wits my sharp because this job is ultra monotonous.
  4. Because of the severe effects and symptoms that are carried with extra weight, it would behoove me to lose all that’s unneeded. Other than general unattractiveness, I’m very much cutting my life short with silent killers, most notably high blood pressure; not to mention the general implications of ailments that transpire. I am going to take this approach very slowly and methodically. I plan on exercising semi-regularly, but more importantly keeping a good eye on what I eat and how many calories I burn a day. Of course I’ll log as much as I can, to help share and post results and analyze where I went wrong/right.
  5. A thumbnail of a drawing.I loved drawing. At one point in time, I drew nearly everyday, and was damn good. Then 8th grade happened, and some bitch of a teacher who I hate nearly turned me off from drawing completely; said c-word really shouldn’t be in the hands of molding our youth. Nonetheless, whatever talents I managed to retain and hone, I consider my artistic skills and creativity in the top ten percentile of the world. Nonetheless I plan to have roughly 40 or so drawings done. I was going to try to fill a book up, but that’s just absurd. 1 a week should suffice.
  6. No smoking ashtray.This is the only one on the list that doesn’t take up time, it in fact does the complete opposite, its not a whole lot of time, but its honestly social time, which is incredibly needed in my scenario. I’ve most likely been smoking roughly for 18 or so months, and not that heavily either; relatively, whatever three to seven a day is. I’ve been meaning to quit, but funny story, so I accidentally smoked somewhere I wasn’t supposed to, twice. My commander, a firm believer in the “punishment should fit the crime”, made me do a PowerPoint on the dangers of smoking and then present it to the unit. I’m sure picking up cigarette butts would have been just as fitting, but this is for all the better. Nonetheless, I found out more than I wanted to about smoking, and that some of it wasn’t irreversible, and that it can be the cause of.. uh.. other problems. Nonetheless I decided to quit the instant I arrived in theater, and from what everyone tells me its nearly impossible, so I’ll severely cut back, never smoking more than one whole cigarette a day, and for sure cold turkey upon return. edit: Not doing good, I’ll see how things go in a month, I really don’t want to have to turn to aides.
  7. Half the time, its an exciting hobby, half the time it’s a droll chore, half the time it’s a fraction of my life I just don’t have time for. Thus the reasons I have updates only half the year. You can guess what kind of mood I’m in at the moment.
  8. Organization. Because of my one track mind, and terribly afflicted OCD-ness from which I accredit to the military, I have a lot of organizing I need to do. This is incredibly vague and spans across a lot of genres, from my stupid computer files (music, movies, ect.) to hundreds of scattered papers, finances, and other small things here and there.
  9. Even more reading and writing. In addition to all the classes I’m taking, and this stupid-ass website. I’d like to try to get some books under my belt, in addition to all the internet reading I do. There’s that gentle allure of being well read. As far as writing is concerned, I plan to hand write all my letters as form to communication to the States. A lot of people ask me why, and suggest Email and Skype as if those options were new concepts to me. Other than being novel and sentimental, its just plain ol’ nice to receive hand-written paper mail.
  10. Lets not forget all the small things:The smaller but hefty to do list.

previous top 10′s.

AAA1641RM
quintaout

Living Arrangements: III.

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1 year ago
by Hoho in ,

Here’s the gentle decline of the places I stayed at since I’ve been away from home. This documents with pictures the places I’ve been through the entire duration of mobilization

The images below go by outside view, and then inside views. If there is more than 1 inside view, it is either an evolution of pictures in order from date taken (least recent to most recent).

OEF. AFGHANISTAN. (2010 – 2011)

(I haven’t any pictures at this time, I apologize)

Barracks – Building ???? – Fort Hunter Liggett, California ( ?. – ?.)

Barracks – Building 8005 – Camp Atterbury, Indiana ( Oct. 19th – Nov. 13th)

Omni Air Interntaional – Shannon, Ireland. Some place. Some place. (Nov. 13th – Nov 15)

Clam shell in Manas. Inside the clamshell at Manas.

Clam Shell Tent – Manas AB, Kyrgyzstan (Nov 15-Nov16)

Bagram Board hut. The wooden hallway of awesome. 2nd view My glorified corner of the bhut.

Shack 17330 “B-hut” – Bagram AB, Bagram, Afghanistan (Nov 16 – Present)

OIF. IRAQ. (2005 – 2006)


Motel – La Quinta Inn – Fresno, California (July 31 – Aug 15)


Baracks – Building 1002 – Ft. Bliss, Texas (Aug 16 – Aug 29)


Billeting – Billet 8109 – Dona Ana, New Mexico (Aug 30 – Nov 9)


Clam shell tent – Biggs Staging Area – Ft. Bliss, Texas (Nov 9 – Nov 11)


Desert Storm Tent – Camp Beuhring – Udari, Kuwait (Nov 13 – Nov 22)


Shack – LSA ( Life Support Area ) Anaconda – Balad, Iraq (Nov 22 – Nov 27)


2 Man Trailer “Luxury tin” – LSA Adder, Tallil Ab, Iraq (Nov 27 – Oct 3)

We essentially stayed at barracks at Ft. Bliss for a month, before headed home.

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Reason II: The first month.

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1 year ago
by Hoho in , ,

You may have realized that I’ve been somewhat of a whiny bitch lately, and for good reason. Its come to the point where I decided to write a series of articles on why I hate my unit, appropriately named with an acronym, like everything else in the military. Nonetheless I present to you my first WILTED – Why I loathe the entire department of defense. edit: I decided that was gay and now just put the reason number.

I consider myself a pretty tolerant and patient person, but everyone has a breaking point. While I haven’t reached it yet, I doubt with the way thing are going I may get closer to it than I like to. For me, I can put up with a lot of bullshit, as long as there is slight reasoning, justification, or even a pinch of logic, however I work for the wrong company for any of that.

Lets start from the very beginning. Being deployed isn’t the easiest of tasks. Away from everything that you care about, love, enjoy, and even those small annoyances that tick you off, you miss, a lot. Everything in your daily life is replaced with a lesser version; every restaurant  in the world is now two chow halls, modern conveniences like driving and internet are now rare luxuries, your personal space is cut, your living conditions (while free) are now a wooden jail cell, and simple tasks like going to the bathroom become chores. In essence life is not that different than that of a glorified prisoner. I was well aware of all this, and am really quite alright with all of it.

So naturally life at this point is already difficult, you’d think everyone would be as accommodating as possible on not make it more so. From here on, I’m not just being negative, its just that bad. Its odd, the more you get shit on, and the more time goes by, the less you want. At first I wanted to return to my unit, then I wanted a day off, then a half day, then to be treated (equally), and now I want just to sleep for more than two hours.

In case you hate reading (like most Americans) I have put up a cliff notes version, put into the form of a graph, I did a pretty shitty job however:

My morale in the form of a graph my first month.

In chronological order, to the best of my knowledge:

  • Two of us were tasked out to battalion, my counter-part “hit the lottery”. I ended up working in a 12 hour busy section, he works 4 hours during the day, plays PlayStation on a large flat-screen the duration of the shift, and is often released early. The rest of my unit, with exception of command group, works six to eight hours, with a significantly smaller workload, some of them having nothing to do at all. At this point I have been isolated from my peers, that I have spent months with getting to this stage. Working nights leaves very little contact with them, and I have very little knowledge of what the rest of my unit does. Ironically working the most and longest, in turn yields earning the least (monetarily).
  • There have been times where mandatory things to do during the day, including a five hour period of redundant training. Detrimental to my mission, Arcadian rhythm, and sleep.
  • After becoming proficient in my job, I am then, on a whim, switched over to a busier section, and my hours of operation are completely reversed. I have no time to recover, and am not properly trained, and the environment is seemingly hostile. At the point I feel like battalions bitch, but remain helpless.
  • Because of poor communication on my behalf, and the only time I am talked to by my organic chain of command, I am summoned for a counseling statement. I am pulled out of my busy schedule, at an inconvenient time, in regards to a minute, frivolous issue. Again, singled out. Counseling statement can be viewed here (PDF).
  • In retaliation I write this:

Respected delegates, honored guests, and to whom this may concern:

First and foremost I hope your morning is going well, and to save you the trouble of asking, mine could not be going any better. Here within lies information about my personnel status, or PERSTAT, and am pleased to announce that all is… well. If any changes need to be made to this email, the format it is written, information disclosed, or any imaginable details that can be omitted or added, please do not hesitate and necessary changes will be made.  Otherwise all desired specifications of detail, standards, and professionalism are met. If there is anything you need of me, please do not hesitate and I will respond in a timely manner. Albeit summons may be required in such circumstances, if allowable, please notify me for a schedule to be arranged; as lunch or after my shift is most fitting and efficient for me, as my mission is very arduous and monotonous, and as always, comes first. Of course if you seek joy out of making my life miserable, then continue to do so as you have been for the last four months.

V/R,

SPC. Michael V. Hogan
313th MCB PPO & 948th TC DET (BAF MCT)
REMISSIONS & CANCELLATIONS
DSN: 431-4915
NIPR: Michael.v.hogan@afghan.swa.army.mil

  • A uphill battle, I lose, bad. This behavior warrants an extra 2 hours of extra duty before and after my shift, to be carried throughout the rest of 2010, including Christmas.
  • Since then everything has improved greatly, and I feel that all the events that have taken place paved the way for a seemingly easier deployment, and have strengthened me as an individual.

Of course there are a slew of pros, it doesn’t balance anything else, but I’ll be damned if this place gets the best of me:

  • The unit is overstaffed, and there is little to no work to do. While I can easily keep myself occupied, there are people from my organic unit willing to “sort rocks from largest to smallest”.
  • I stay busy, making time go by pretty quick.
  • This is probably rebuilding whatever worth ethic I managed to destroy over the course of several months.
  • I am in a situation where I get to meet a lot of people.
  • While I do not have to work directly with the handful of retards that are in my unit, I deal with them on a very minimal basis, and am in a position where I can dick them out, since I work for a superior unit, I am therefore their superior.
  • Granted there are a lot of cons as well, I don’t mind them, as it’s nothing like the dreaded first month.
SonyA230_side_slant_480

The Afghanistan shopping list.

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1 year ago
by Hoho in , ,
  • $420.DSLR - Sony a230. Since I already have a point and click (that needs to be replaced), I decided to go ahead and pick a DSLR. Although I probably should have got a Nikon or a Canon, the Sony has really nice reviews and I’m satisfied so far. Ah now to buy lenses.
  • $620.Laptop - HP Pavilion dv6-2182nr. Met all my requirements and then some (can play SCII and hold all my music and do other shit fastly). Saved 40% off MSRP thanks to a coupon from those handy dandy deal a day sites. Since there weren’t many reviews on the laptop, I’ll probably write one up when I get around to it.
  • $075.External hard drive - Western Digital Elements 1.5TB. Bless Newegg, not only was this super dirt-cheap, I chose standard shipping and received it the next day. 1.5TB… A lot of room for non-pornography and pornography alike.
  • $070+.Headphoneses- Klispch Image s4 & TBD. Having 200 or so gigs of music and something to play on, leaves one important and equally crucial part of the equation left. I have earbuds, which by the way are amazing. I would also like some over ear ones, which can either go from 30 to 300 dollars, praying for the former.
  • $200.Portable Game System – Nintendo DS Lite, Accessories & Games. I’m a young male, which one thing anyone can be certain of. Boys love their video games. Yes, I have hobbies, reading, writing, ect., but a mindless escape to a screen is always nice. Thank you most amazing woman that I miss dearly!
  • $050.Sheets – Softees Heavyweight Modal Cotton Jersey Knit Sheet Set. You spend a third of your life comatose, may as well go all out. Normally I would get high thread count sheets, but I’ve developed an affinity for these. However I may get sad owning these, or smugly happy, I’m leaning towards the latter.
  • $090.Watch - Timex Ironman road trainer digital heart rate monitor. Need a good watch, that keeps track of HR. I figure if I plan on losing weight, I may as well take a scientific approach and help everyone else out.
  • $042.Knife – Gerber E_Z Out™ DPSF- Any clip folding knife will do. Thanks Uncle Sam!
  • $051.Multitool – Gerber Multi-plier 600 – Worth their weight in silver, or maybe something between silver and gold. If you don’t own one, go get one now. Thanks (again) Uncle Sam!
  • $120.Electric Razor - Braun Series-3 390CC - A self cleaning Braun will do – These things essentially pay for themselves. I hate shaving enough to pay money to not making it such a pain in the ass. Plus these things pay for them selves. Thanks Mom!
  • $162.Random shit – Everything to keep a betta alive, various small electronics, and general resupplies.
cookies

Top 10: Care package ingredients.

3
1 year ago
by Hoho in , , ,

Battle, conflict, combat, fighting, however you want to say it – we are a nation at war. The elements that consist of war, the weaponry, personnel, tactics, equipment; the list goes on, but there is no more important element to war than the care packages. Granted, the former statement, a strictly fictional statement, for your sake and mine, we will consider it absolute truth, and with that being said – I have made a very simple way you can contribute to the war, but more importantly, my morale, general well-being, and your sense of satisfaction. There are two simple steps to a care package: the address (mentioned right after this sentence!) and the ingredients, while you may think its okay to send me illicit drugs and pornography, I assure you its a little more complex than that (probably should mention that flat rate boxes are a good way to go).

Michael “Hoho” Hogan
948th TC DET (MCT)
APO, AE 09354


1. Fresh baked cookies or any cookies for that matter: Cookies are as good as currency out here, maybe even better. You can get currency anywhere around here if you really wanted to. From the finance building, AAFES, the local vendors, or even someone in a very deep sleep, however you cannot get fresh baked cookies, mainly due to the lack of ingredients and readily available ovens. As far as possessing cookies, they rank quite high on the barter market, but there is much greater delight to eat your love and efforts. Anything but peanut butter will suffice, but fresh baked is sooooo good, and yes, they’ll last (send priority however).

2. Asian Snacks: This is a very broad and vague category, don’t let that deter you. Its very easy, you go into an Asian market, and if its a snack you happily toot it and boot it (buy it and ship it). I was going to make this to the melody of the Sound of Music, but I’m sure I failed at it, since I’m not incredibly familiar with the tune, and Asian words confuse me, syllable wise. Here are a few of my favorite things (asian snack remix version):

Tasty dried mangoes and also dried seaweed,
Nagayara nuts are delicious indeed,
Lychee jellies in the large multi-packs,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

Meiji Yan Yan, Pocky, and Hello Panda,
Wasabi peas, shrimp chips, and candy-soda,
Various fruit gummies in different sacks,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

When I’m lonely,
Or quite hungry,
Or getting shot at,
I take a bite into my favorite snack,
and then I get a little fat.

3. Mixed Nuts: This is rather self-explanatory, so I’ll save you the jibber-jabber and get to the nitty-gritty. Cashews, almonds, Macadamia nuts, and walnuts are my favorite nuts. To justify the fact that I don’t really like peanuts, peanuts are actually a legume and don’t fit the category, but to ride along with the whole beggars cant be choosers philosophy, I’m satisfied with the fact you’re thinking of me. Roasted, salted, plain, raw, or smoked, they’re all fine to me, however, I lean a little towards the raw side. I thought of making a 2nd top ten list, but that would just be too much for you, a flow chart would be better, but far too time consuming. Oh, pistachios are grand too.

4. Tea: Regardless of how well you know me, there is one certain thing. I only order one drink at restaurants, and is often a deciding factor that decides whether or not I want to eat at a restaurant. Iced tea. So you can’t send ice. No big deal, you can send tea, and lots of it. Water and sunlight is bountiful out here, and there is only one thing missing from the equation, tea. Dealers choice on this, minus chamomile, that shit is nasty. If you really want to get huge kudos, whole leaf is nice, and black is my favorite, but I should be drinking more green, bonus points if its some completely bogus tea from like Trader Joes or something.

5. Ramen: This is extremely self explanatory. Inexplicably the cheapest, hottest meal one can get – its without a doubt one of the most convenient things to have in a very close vicinity. As far as ramen or any form of instant noodles go, non-Maruchan or non-Nissin is perfect. As far as they type, they’re all delectable, be it Yakisoba, rice noodles, ramen, Korean, Japanese, even kiddie Pokemon stuff, sky’s the limit. Surprise me! Here is a decent example:

6. Non-Carbonated Caffiene: Granted tea is a part of this list, I find that as I grow older, my dependency on caffeine grows greater and greater. This wonderful list is to include: caffeine pills, 5 hour energies, coffee grounds, and practically any other conceivable form of caffeine that won’t break or burst along side a 5-30 day trip across the world.

7. Meat & Crackers: This is broken down into three possible things. Those meat and cheese things from Hickory Farms or practically anywhere you turn your neck during the Holidays, those things by the way, are delicious. Then we have meats, such as: Jerky and pre-made tuna that work well. Lastly your favorite crackers are my favorite crackers, especially if they are Triscuits or club crackers.

8. Art Supplies: It’s something I’ve sadly lost touch with, and while most of my talent was with copy paper and mechanical pencils (and mostly will remain), I’d like to branch into one other thing:  Permanent markers & Munny. Also mechanical pencils and drawing pads fantastic too, granted I probably won’t need either.

9. edited

10. Really frivolous shit: With the upcomingness of my birthday, Christmas, secular and non-secular Holidays, or any other gift giving occasion closing in on us, I can understand the unyielding desire to want to purchase me higher end items, before I have the opportunity to buy them for myself. Normally I would politely decline, but I would hate to deprive you of the pleasure of imaging the look on my face when I open  your box across the world.

  • DS Games: It mostly comes down to puzzle games and RPG’s, but I’m really trying to sway away from my video games’ grasp on me. They make for good time killers, which there is a lot of to do.
    -Meteos
    -Picross 3D
    -Mario Kart DS
    -Yoshi’s Island DS
    -New Super Mario Bros.
    -Professor Layton and the Unwound Future (or anything from that series)
    -Final Fantasy IV
    -Chrono Trigger
    -Puzzle Quest
  • Camera Lenses: Another hobby I’d like to get into- it’s rather an expensive one. Which is where you come in! (nude photos available upon request, if you’re hot, or rich – if you’re actually pondering whether or not to get them I suggest buying them elsewhere)
    -SAL-18200 DT 18-200mm f/3.5-6.3 Zoom Lens $529
    -SAL-75300 75-300mm f/4.5-5.6 Zoom Lens $249
    -SAL-50m28 f/2.8 Macro Lens $479
    -SAL-20F28 20mm f/2.8 Wide-Angle Lens $599
  • Watches. I love watches. Nice ones.
  • Fleshlight. If you don’t know what it is, I highly recommend not looking it up.
  • Anything from the following websites: Thecoolhunter, Gizmodo, oh how the list goes on.

HM: Cash. What says you care more than cash? I suppose 10 other things do. That and I assume gift cards are usually passed around more than cash during the holidays. Nonetheless, if you decide to throw some my way, it will not be frowned upon in any way, shape, or form. The more copious the amount the better. Also, if I acquire enough, I may “earn” a discharge from the military.

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