smalltakeover

I know I’m not the first to think of this concept, but I’d like to think I’m the first to put too much effort into this. Set aside Central America which I actually don’t know if its part of North America (nor do I care), we have our boot, Mexico, and our hat (I like Fedora better), Canada. Simply put, we’re going to take over these countries. Why? First of all, we’ll gain a lot of natural resources, like ice, bear pelts, and other cold related shit. Second, we got robbed on beachfront property, so now we’ll have like 6 times as much. Third, we need slaves, we can enslave either the Canadians, or the Mexicans (halfway there) and then, leading to #4, we can have a 2nd civil war, of the south vs the souther. Face it, after WW2 and MLK, American History has been pretty boring. Finally, we will be gaining the advantages and disadvantages of both countries, making for a more rounded, better altogether country – it’s like a self cleansing!

So here’s how this goes down. As for Canada, every night when no one is looking, we move the border back like 10 feet. So some of the buildings and landmarks we try to make mobile as if nothing ever happened. For things we can’t move we’ll just deal with it, and if questioned like “that building seems father away” or “it must be me, but I feel like our border has been moving back 10 feet for the last week”, just simply reply “you’re crazy” and laugh, and the Canadians will laugh with you, because that’s what they do. Each colored portion of Canada represents… lets say… 5 years? The nice part about taking over Canada is they gone through the liberty (pun intended) of delegating and naming states for us.

Mexico on the other hand will be a much simpler operation. All we do is load military evenly throughout all the spring break destinations, and during spring break weekend, before Mexico even has the slightest clue what happened. BAM! Taken over.

I’m not looking forward to French Mexicans.