Enumerated

http://www.random.org

1. They should have game show week, where game show hosts compete on other game shows. Like Alex Trebek on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” or Vanna White on “The Price is (White) Right”.
2. It’s “okay” to pee in the shower while you’re standing in the shower, but not pee outside of the shower into the shower.
3. Singing the Popeye theme before drinking your Redbull gives it an extra effect.
4. Sadly, I think I’m more able to solve a problem in a video game compared to that same problem being applied to me in a real life situation. Think in the terms of using objects around you to build a bridge or something. Haha @ “Oooooooh, virtual yardwork”.
5. If you do a google image result of “buffalo soldier”, you should really just get a bunch of pictures of minotaurs.
6. I’d like to see a high speed chase featuring an ice cream truck, being chased by cops, playing the ice cream song really really really fast.
7. They should spell team, “teiam” to solve problems.
8. In the NFL, the extra point after a touchdown is scored, should be worth an extra 1 point for every 10 yards out its kicked from the 10 yard line.
9. While we’re pointlessly changing rules to sports that have been going by tradition for years, the last few minutes of each quarter in a NBA game should count three point shots as four point shots.
10. The only reason baseball is America’s past time is because basketball wasn’t invented yet.
11. I’m one of those people who like to stop the microwave at 0:01 if I’m near by it because it makes me feel like I’m defusing a bomb. (I actually don’t like to hear the beep)
12. Listening to NPR fundraisers is like listening to women argue, all they do is continually mention one thing over and over and over – and no matter what you do or say, they managed to convert what you said to that one thing.
13. I can’t tell where the line is between brand loyalty and holding a grudge.

http://www.random.org

1. They should make water coolers that give updates about celebrities dating when you get water from them.
2. I can’t believe its not butter should sponsor venues where cover bands are playing.
3. United blood serves should give you a pint of beer for every pint of blood.
4. Cereal boxes should put a chapter of a story on or in their box every couple of weeks.
5. Breakfast in bed is way better than breakfast in chair.
6. The term baseball bat is rather redundant, there really aren’t any other types of bats. I mean theres combat, acrobat, and dingbat, but those aren’t really types of bats.
7. I’m going to carry a padlock around, so that way the next time I see someone with gauged ears, ill strap it on them, sell them the key or combo, profit.
8. Worst movie idea ever: “Speed 4: Space” (You can piece it together)
9. I’m surprised there isn’t a book called the Karma Sleeptra featuring different ways to cuddle or sleep.
10. I’d love to see Elton John shoping for reading glasses at Lenscrafters.
11. Intentionally the best or unintentionally the worst domain name for a pen shop. http://www.penisland.net/
12. I’m not entirely sure where to go with this, but the punchline is “Go Go Jason Waterfalls”.
13. I hate when food goes to waist.
14. Astonishingly, I’ve yet to see a parody or different variation of Blue Man Group. Instead of changing the color of blue, they should change the people, and appropriately name it “Blue Mayeng Group.”
15. Since there aren’t many cows in urban areas, people should dress as cows and tip people.
16. I always hear a lot about breast cancer awareness, which I guess its working. But they’re only really utilizing one of the words associate with a woman’s upper half, and only breast associates with breast cancer. To broaden their spectrum they should use slang terms of breast, allowing them more criteria to build off of. Tit cancer, jugs cancer, gozanga cancer, ect.
17. They should make a parody movie of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, featuring two flaming homosexuals, appropriately named Mr. & Mr. Smith.
18. Are all zombie gangsters Crypts? (Booo)
19. Condoms should be next to baby food in the supermarket.
20. I wonder how well fortune tellers work if they’re drunk.
21. I’ll go see a psychic when I read in the paper “Psychic wins lottery”.
22. John Mayer: “If a man really wanted to get away with cheating on his woman, he’d store his other girls’ name in his phone as “low battery”.”
23. Why is there so much month left at the end of money?
24. Two rules for success:
    1. Don’t tell people everything you know.
    2.

http://www.random.org

1. What are the point of mosquitoes? I don’t see how they fit into the circle of life, or the food chain. Bug spray company conspiracy.
2. They should give those guys who hold signs on street corners some ecstasy and techno music.
3. If I were a librarian, I would probably respond “in due time” to any time related question.
4. Like Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson should have his own shoe line – much less complete apparel line. He could use his moonwalkman to replace the jumpman, and instead of athletic gear, it would just be really really really flamboyant clothing. Then again every third person on the street would be wearing a thriller jacket, or a shiny glove..
5. Lifesavers are an ironic candy, seeing as the first three ingredients are sugar. Not to mention you can choke on them – but they have a hole in them which reduces the chance of choking – go figure. Of course you really reduce your chances choking, but avoiding them altogether.
6. I wonder if Prince has his unpronounceable symbol on his keyboard.
7. I think the real disadvantage of cell phones is that you can’t slam them when you hang up on someone, you only look/sound like an idiot mashing the end call button.
8. Other genres of  music other than hip-hop should have ridiculous amounts of shout-outs before they start singing, like classical or jazz. “Yo this symphony goes out to Bach, Brahms – Rossini don’t forget I forgot about you, ah ‘Thoven, you ain’t foolin no one.”
9. I would hate to find out what Milwaukee’s 2nd best tastes like.
10. Next time you travel, bring super glue. And use it on the top of barf bags. Hilarity ensues.
11. Preemptive and postemptive are both words, however emptive isn’t.
12. Guinness should do parody campaign of got milk. I wonder if there is a Guinness beer world record related to the Guinness book of world records.
13. How come only Christian holidays are the only holidays that you take pictures with dressed up strangers? You should be able to have your 5 year old child take pictures with George Washington, a leprechaun, or the headless horseman.