Hiatus III: Vacation.


Be back in November!

Sorry! There are implications for this reason I cannot publicly share, but there is a good lineup upon return!


Incoherent ambiguity.


Down down the rabbit hole, for more adventures in monotony.
Paired with clones, to set us apart.
A uniform does not create uniformity
The chairs are the real soldiers.
Days become years, lives become moments.
Repeating mistakes to see what one can get away with,
Repeating mistakes to see if they are really mistakes.
The line between stubbornness and determination is gone.
The line between arrogance and confidence can no longer be found.
There is no black and white, grey is all relative.
Numbers are a language we all understand, but no one speaks.
Being broken down so much, repairs get more expensive.
Idle minds are the real terrorist, armies a close 2nd.
Open minds are opiates, happiness is a placebo.
Two words make it all worthwhile; they’re never spoken.
Time is the only coping mechanism for self-loathing.
Its not for all, but its all for naught.


The balcony.


There is a place,
a place like no other.
Superman has his fortress,
athlete’s have their podium,
I have a simple balcony.

It is overlooked by many,
yet it overlooks everything.
It is a pinnacle, a summit,
and below lies my sanctuary.
My problems are left at the entrance,
and I am free from my this prison,
and the prison of my thoughts.

There is always a gentle breeze,
that carries warm wishes and gentle hopes
and in the epicenter of chaos
I briefly forget where I am.

Happy geek pride day!


Copypasta from Wikipedia.

Basic rights and responsibilities of geeks:

A manifesto was created to celebrate the first Geek Pride Day which included the following list of basic rights and responsibilities of geeks.


  1. The right to be even geekier.
  2. The right to not leave your house.
  3. The right to not like football or any other sport.
  4. The right to associate with other nerds.
  5. The right to have few friends (or none at all).
  6. The right to have as many geeky friends as you want.
  7. The right to be out of style.
  8. The right to be overweight and near-sighted.
  9. The right to show off your geekiness.
  10. The right to take over the world.


  1. Be a geek, no matter what.
  2. Try to be nerdier than anyone else.
  3. If there is a discussion about something geeky, you must give your opinion.
  4. To save and protect all geeky material.
  5. Do everything you can to show off geeky stuff as a “museum of geekiness.”
  6. Don’t be a generalized geek. You must specialize in something.
  7. Attend every nerdy movie on opening night and buy every geeky book before anyone else.
  8. Wait in line on every opening night. If you can go in costume or at least with a related T-shirt, all the better.
  9. Don’t waste your time on anything not related to geekdom.
  10. Try to take over the world!

Yum yum.

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Random number (18) of random ideas: XV.



  1. Surprised no museum has never used the catchphrase “we put the muse in museum”.
  2. How come you never see moths during the day? Only at night beating itself senselessly against a light of some sort. Do they fly non-stop to the sun?
  3. Wonder how often O.J. Simpson uses the phrase “if the glove fits”
  4. The phrase ‘dodged a bullet’ was probably coined centuries ago, when one might have been able to dodge them, but now unless you pull some Matrix bullshit you don’t dodge bullets, people just miss.
  5. I watched Survivor the other day for the first time, and don’t understand why it’s called Survivor if its hosted on some place I would take a vacation. They should do that show in Compton, give them a bunch of money and shout I hate black people in the streets. That’s survivor.
  6. In case you’ve never seen it, Space Jam still has it’s original website up from 1996, which is in fact epitome of a movie website from 1996.
  7. What would happen if Pinocchio said “My nose will now grow”?
  8. It irks me when someone says that hate Wikipedia because they read one bullshit article years ago that they probably didn’t even read, like Sinbad died, or tomatoes give you cancer.
  9. Lightning storms are like Mardi Gras, they’re the original tease. You see tons of flashes everywhere from a distance, only wanting longer and frequent glimpses, yet leaving a contemplative period of thinking afterward.
  10. The leading cause of death in the military is suicide, which goes to show you, if a serviceman is killed by a terrorist its quick and fast, whereas if he dies by his own hand, he died slowly from the pressures of the military.
  11. I think a lot of people see Trump as an idiot, which I don’t think they’ve put much thought into what he’s done. He completely took over the media with his name, over some trivial bullshit, even getting the President to give in, no other candidates have received anywhere near the coverage he has, and as long as you talk Trump, regardless good or bad, he’s happy.
  12. Finally got around to listen Rebecca Black’s “Friday” which is a blatant rip off of 50 Tyson.
  13. Pretty sure the most fucked up prank you can pull is putting super glue in someone’s eye drops.
  14. Of course if a business pisses you off, publish a fake coupon for that company in the local paper.
  15. I think I’m gay. I watch “Pretty Woman” the other day and instead of wanting to buy a hooker, I wanted to purchase opera tickets.
  16. Can’t wait until Hip-Hop and classical music gets more popular with mashup. That’s true hip-hopera.
  17. People complain that losing weight is a lot harder than gaining it, which doesn’t make sense, since eating food takes more energy than not doing shit.
  18. I’m sure you’ve seen those history of the air travel videos, where people have those failed flying plans. It wasn’t until the 5th plan, plan E, the successful plan that gives us the planes we have today, and thus why they have their name.

Archive of “Random number of random ideas

Behold the most clever Fight Club dekstop wallpaper yet.

The greatest wallpaper use ever.


Behold the most clever Fight Club dekstop wallpaper yet.

Here we have an ordinary wallpaper. Just a scene from Fight Club. By itself it’s cool, but nothing extrodinary. Click for a larger, usable version, for personal use!

But with a simple use of sticky notes, or the desk essentials 2.2 widget, it is the greatest wallpaper ever. Enjoy.

Greatest Use of Desktop Wallpaper Ever

Solace eludes me.


You consider yourself an optomist, you give people the benefit of the doubt. Yet you only write bullshit on your pointless website when you’re depressed.

It’s a rock and a hard place, a lull and a funk, a unstoppable force and immovable object. Somewhere, sometime, something went terribly wrong in life. Do you look back and figure out where it went wrong and go from there, or do you accept it and make the best of a bad situation.

Nautilus, Hewlett Packard, and Amazon aren’t suitable replacements for lonliness.

You do what it takes to feel normal for a hour, for a minute.

Crying is not the reset button on Nintendo.

What you used to be imprevious to, plauges you. Not caring wasn’t a suitable coping mechansim.

You made a prison, in a prison.

You’re failing more than that test you’re taking.

That refuge you used to seek, it’s been making everything worse this entire time. What a long fall that’ll be. Yet you can’t quit it.

You think about the people in China who don’t have hot meals. The people in Africa who don’t have clean water. The half of the world who don’t know there’s anything beyond what they see, who would love to feel like you do now. It doesn’t help. You give them money. You’re the same person with a smaller bank account.

You think. You worry. Nothing ever goes like you plan it to. It’s futile to think about, yet it’s like Wimbleton in your head, back and forth, back and forth. You run it in your head until you’re satisfied with an outcome. Never happens.

You are Clevland, feeling betrayed with no justifiable reason, unappreciated of those years of loyal service, abonded for a blind selfish desire.

You’re forgetten about and you’re not even dead yet.

You always ignore the flags to avoid being paranoid. Notch optomism.

As long as you value other people’s happiness over your own, you’ll always finish last.

Might as well smile and tell people jokes, a lot of good has done you, asshole.

It all makes sense now.

I did this to myself.

#175: A Collection of 5ives: IV.



  • love/hate relationships:
  1. America / Americans.
  2. Learning / Studying.
  3. Having to myself / Feeling lonely.
  4. Science / Scientology,
  5. Animals / P.E.T.A.
  • ways adults are children:
  1. Collecting comic books has been replaced by collecting paychecks.
  2. Reading, writing, and republicans.
  3. Sunday morning is the new Saturday morning.
  4. You’re probably worse at playing house.
  5. Worry about catching that hail Mary is now worry about catching an STD.
  • asshole things you can do in Wal-Mart:
  1. Take the fishing worms and dump them in the produce section.
  2. Putting a goldfish in the puffer tank.
  3. Discreetly set boxes of condoms and tampons in people’s carts while they are looking / Blatantly set bars of deodorant in people’s carts.
  4. Continually adding items from the impulse section in the 20 items or less isle.
  5. Set alarms clocks off in 10 minute intervals.
  • ways to mention how cool you are: (I’m cooler than…)
  1. A penguin colony.
  2. Polar bears fucking.
  3. Freezing time.
  4. The other side of the pillow.
  5. Sub Zero.
  • awesome international fictional sport team names: (Stolen from Car Talk)
  1. Manila Folders
  2. Taipei Personalities
  3. Czech Bouncers
  4. Brussels Sprouts
  5. Belgium Waffles

Other 5ives.


The care package list (revised).


For your sake, I’ve made a printable/mobile shopping list for you, to avoid reading all the awesome wit I’ve written below.

Mans necessity for destruction and power at its pinnacle lies war. There are many elements that compose war: weaponry, personnel, tactics, equipment, ect.; the list goes on, but there is no more important element to war than care packages. Granted, the former statement, a strictly fictional one, for your sake and mine, we will consider it absolute truth, and with that being said – I have made a very simple way you can contribute to the war, but more importantly, my morale, general well-being, and your sense of satisfaction. While you may think its okay to send me illicit drugs and pornography, I assure you its a little more complex than that, but first and foremost here is where you shall be mailing your tax write off* to:

Michael “Hoho” Hogan
313th JMCB
APO, AE 09354

*Not a legitimate tax write off

1. Fresh baked cookies: Cookies are as good as currency out here, maybe even better. You can get currency anywhere around here if you really wanted to. From the finance building, AAFES, the local vendors, or even someone in a very deep sleep, however you cannot get fresh baked cookies, mainly due to the lack of ingredients and readily available ovens. As far as possessing cookies, they rank quite high on the barter market, but there is much greater delight to eat your love and efforts. Please no peanut butter, even though I’m not allergic to them, to not sound like an asshole, I’ll just say that I am.

2. Asian Snacks: This is a very broad and vague category, don’t let that deter you. Its very easy, you go into an Asian market, and if its a snack you happily toot it and boot it (buy it and ship it). I was going to make this to the melody of the Sound of Music, but I’m sure I failed at it, since I’m not incredibly familiar with the tune, and Asian words confuse me, syllable wise. Here are a few of my favorite things (asian snack remix version):

Tasty dried mangoes and also dried seaweed,
Nagayara nuts are delicious indeed,
Lychee jellies in the large multi-packs,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

Meiji Yan Yan, Pocky, and Hello Panda,
Wasabi peas, shrimp chips, and candy-soda,
Various fruit gummies in different sacks,
These are my favorite asian-y snacks.

When I’m lonely,
Or quite hungry,
Or getting shot at,
I take a bite into my favorite snack,
and then I get a little fat.

3. Mixed Nuts: This is rather self-explanatory, so I’ll save you the jibber-jabber and get to the nitty-gritty. Cashews, almonds, Macadamia nuts, and walnuts are my favorite nuts. To justify the fact that I don’t really like peanuts, peanuts are actually a legume and don’t fit the category, but to ride along with the whole beggars cant be choosers philosophy, I’m satisfied with the fact you’re thinking of me. Roasted, salted, plain, raw, or smoked, they’re all fine to me, however, I lean a little towards the raw side. I thought of making a 2nd top ten list, but that would just be too much for you, a flow chart would be better, but far too time consuming. Oh, pistachios are grand too. Smokehouse almonds are my favorite.

4. Ramen: This is extremely self explanatory. Inexplicably the cheapest, hottest meal one can get – its without a doubt one of the most convenient things to have in a very close vicinity. As far as ramen or any form of instant noodles go, non-Maruchan or non-Nissin is perfect. As far as they type, they’re all delectable, be it Yakisoba, rice noodles, ramen, Korean, Japanese, even kiddie Pokemon stuff, sky’s the limit. Spicy is my favorite flavor. Surprise me! Here is a decent example:

5. Caffeine: Most notably, tea. Whole leaf if possible. Those pyramid bags are tasty too, but if you get those, get them for yourself, they’re that good. I don’t drink soda, those flavored water things taste like cancer, and frankly water gets tiring after awhile, luckily I drink tea, beyond religiously. Since I’ve been here, I came to the realization that coffee is the greatest thing in the world, and have become dependent on it. I’m not to the baller status where I can drink it black, but I am trying to cut sugar out of my diet, so cream will do. Also I don’t have a grinder out here, so you will have to send me grounds.

6. The 3 S’s: Seasonings, spices, and sauces. I have the same breakfast daily, the lunch menu on a three day rotation, and the dinner menu on the same seven day rotation. Needless to say, the lack of variety gets to be a bit cumbersome. Luckily there is a fortune mathematical equation out there. X + Hot sauce = hot sauce, X representing any type of food.
-Any hot sauce will suffice, the favorites are always good, however Tabasco is bountiful out here.
-Premixed seasonings do well, Ms. Dash, Emeril’s ect.
-Any specialty mustard and anything garlic (minced/salt/ect.)

7. Hygiene & Miscellany: : Due to my marketing behavior I have become very loyal to branding. The PX out here is is less than suitable, and rarely even lacks the bare essentials for hygeine. They never have my soap I use, Dove Face&Body, it’s in a gray box with white lettering and orange accents. Then there is the necessity to shave, which I hate. I have an eletric, however I don’t have the braun clean and renew cleaning refills. The other shaving alternative, Gilette Fusion will suffice just well.

8. American Snacks: I figure if I’m going to “defend” a country, I may as well indulge in the snacks it has to offer. While they don’t compare to that of a much larger continent that I leave unnamed, I am lazy and love eating. I don’t feel like writing a song, but below are nine awesome snacks. If you get me Chukar Cherries I will love you forever.

9. Not Alcohol: Whatever you do, you must not send me alcohol. Life is here is very bland and un-entertaining, and liquor would only put an end to that. Since you’re not going to send it, then I don’t have to tell you to repackage it into seal-able plastic bottles, preferably Gatorade bottles, and tape them up. The best liquor not to send is anything of the clear variety. There is a time and a place for liquor and the battlefield is not one of them. I will enjoy it when I get back. Also you will not not get in trouble for not sending it, and neither will I. Please please please don’t send me any alcohol whatsoever. 

10. Really frivolous shit: With the upcomingness of my birthday, Christmas, secular and non-secular Holidays, or any other gift giving occasion closing in on us, I can understand the unyielding desire to want to purchase me higher end items, before I have the opportunity to buy them for myself. Normally I would politely decline, but I would hate to deprive you of the pleasure of imaging the look on my face when I open your box across the world.

HM: Cash. What says you care more than cash? I suppose 10 other things do. That and I assume gift cards are usually passed around more than cash during the holidays. Nonetheless, if you decide to throw some my way, it will not be frowned upon in any way, shape, or form. The more copious the amount the better. Also, if I acquire enough, I may “earn” a discharge from the military. If you’ve read this far, or were clever enough to skip to the end, I’ll probably get you something random from my travels upon my return.

5. Ramen: This is extremely self explanatory. Inexplicably the cheapest, hottest meal one can get – its without a doubt one of the most convenient things to have in a very close vicinity. As far as ramen or any form of instant noodles go, non-Maruchan or non-Nissin is perfect. As far as they type, they’re all delectable, be it Yakisoba, rice noodles, ramen, Korean, Japanese, even kiddie Pokemon stuff, sky’s the limit. Surprise me! Here is a decent example:

This is what it would look like if I were a contestant on Jeopardy!

If I were on Jeopardy!


This is what it would look like if I were a contestant on Jeopardy!

Excel Spreadsheet for when I return home!

As of May 9th (worst pie graph ever).


Excel Spreadsheet for when I return home!

One click and you can track my return live! I will make a less shitty one later on.

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