Top 10: Fictional Restaurants.
Mar 10th
10: The Max: I wish I had a place like this when I went to high school. I just had a place where I did copious amounts of drugs (not really). What ever happened to Max though?
9: Weinerlicious: Like Hooters, I’d come here for the food.
8: Soup Nazi Kitchen. Quite possibly the most quotable person from Seinfeld.
7: Honker Burger. Doug!
6: Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag. Oh my freaking top ten list, deep fried to perfection.
5: Shenanigans. To be fair, this place seems a lot cooler to work at than eat. Especially since we all know what goes on in the kitchen…
4: Frozen Banana Stand. Simply put I love Arrested Development to put this thing anywhere else.
3: McDowell’s. Ironically, this place is actually a Wendy’s.
2: Raisins. It’s nice eating at a place where I’m cooler than all the other losers there.
1: Chockies. Joanna might hate that guy, but I hope that every time I come into a restaurant this guy is my server.
Random number (15) of random ideas: VIII.
Mar 8th
- Televised operas are typically viewed by older, mature audiences, and should be labeled TV-MA, appropriately. The reason being for “Sax” and “Violins”
- When someone is sick with a fever, the fever should be referred to an “actual fever”, so it doesn’t get confused with the other types of fevers, jungle, cabin, ect.
- It seems that a lot of the “tilted toward older generation cars” have tuned their image, like Cadillac and Volvo. Buick however, should retain their old people image and continue making cars with old features such as cassette players, ect.
- I love how baseballs are made in China.
- Depeche should be the hardest difficulty mode on Guitar Hero. WTF is depeche anyways?
- To err is human, to arr is pirate.
- I wonder if Batman every referred to anything being “bat-ass”, and for that matter, I wonder if Jesus ever called Joesph, “Broseph”.
- There is lemonade and limade. There is orange, apple, grape, cranberry, and pear juice. What gives?
- Naming hurricanes. Will someone please help me understand the madness behind hurricane naming. Why exactly is it that we feel the need to personify massive storms? I just don’t get it. So 20 mph wind is just called “wind”. And 50 mph wind is perhaps referred to as “strong wind”. But once we get in that 100+ mph category, then all of a sudden it’s Andrew, Katrina or Rita. Huh? Last time I checked we didn’t have names for tornadoes or earthquakes. Now that I think of it, living in California and all, if Floridians get to name hurricanes, then I say why not name earthquakes. Yeah! Two can play at that game. And while we’re at it, why not just name every weather pattern. I mean, after all, why stop at just hurricanes and earthquakes.
- The question does a bear shit in the woods can be nullified by counter-asking whether or not that bear is a polar bear.
- I like to title my documents “the world” so I feel great when I click save.
- Fuck Nascar. They should bring back chariot racing.
- I wonder if Canadians ever threaten to move to America.
- People who play World of Warcraft should be referred to being “on the Wowgan”.
- A good way of not having to tell freeloaders no for money, is to ask them for money before they ask you.
I hate Vermont.
Mar 6th
Vermont sucks. They are uneducated and don’t have a sense of humor. I don’t care if I go my whole life without visiting their lame boring state, because they obviously don’t care about visiting my lame boring site!!!
Fun with… http://www.batmancomic.info/
Mar 4th
For those of you who have never seen, what is, quite possibly, the most hilarious, non-pornographic comic panel ever.
Thanks to this website, it gives you the opportunity to try to top the caliber of the original strip. Here are a few of my creations and a few of my favorite ones, I recreated in this format.
U.S.A., Country or Continent?
Aug 26th
I know I’m not the first to think of this concept, but I’d like to think I’m the first to put too much effort into this. Set aside Central America which I actually don’t know if its part of North America (nor do I care), we have our boot, Mexico, and our hat (I like Fedora better), Canada. Simply put, we’re going to take over these countries. Why? First of all, we’ll gain a lot of natural resources, like ice, bear pelts, and other cold related shit. Second, we got robbed on beachfront property, so now we’ll have like 6 times as much. Third, we need slaves, we can enslave either the Canadians, or the Mexicans (halfway there) and then, leading to #4, we can have a 2nd civil war, of the south vs the souther. Face it, after WW2 and MLK, American History has been pretty boring. Finally, we will be gaining the advantages and disadvantages of both countries, making for a more rounded, better altogether country – it’s like a self cleansing!
So here’s how this goes down. As for Canada, every night when no one is looking, we move the border back like 10 feet. So some of the buildings and landmarks we try to make mobile as if nothing ever happened. For things we can’t move we’ll just deal with it, and if questioned like “that building seems father away” or “it must be me, but I feel like our border has been moving back 10 feet for the last week”, just simply reply “you’re crazy” and laugh, and the Canadians will laugh with you, because that’s what they do. Each colored portion of Canada represents… lets say… 5 years? The nice part about taking over Canada is they gone through the liberty (pun intended) of delegating and naming states for us.
Mexico on the other hand will be a much simpler operation. All we do is load military evenly throughout all the spring break destinations, and during spring break weekend, before Mexico even has the slightest clue what happened. BAM! Taken over.
I’m not looking forward to French Mexicans.
Good times with oil.
Aug 26th
Oh oil, remember the good times we’ve had? Passing the drivers exam, our first car, the road trip to Mexico; you and I have had some memorable times. While remeniscinggg is nice, I need to move on, and I think its best if we both see other fuels. I don’t want to hurt you, but I feel we are drifting apart. You are very career driven, rich new friends, practically a higher demographic; $100 a barrel, you’ve made it, Mr. and Mrs. Oil must be very proud. You are moving so fast and it’s impossible to keep up, people are fighting over you and it’s impossible to match the competition. Thats not for me, I had fun at first, we could spend a lot of free time together, we could just go in the car and go for a drive, just because we felt like it. Our relationship used to be about freedom and the open road, now everything requires planning. I don’t like having to live to my life around yours. No matter how much effort I put in, or what changes, you always seem to stay the same. The high maintainence lifestyle i can no long accomodate either, even when you started needing lubricant, which was a stretch at first, the coolants, filters, its just too much.
Oil, I have a confession to make, I haven’t been entirely faithful. It all started on the internet, as a little innocent fun, an escape from your never ending demands. I started off just looking, mostly at fuels that were out of my reach, I never imagined anything would ever happen – just a silly fantasy really. Can you imagine me with a solar car, or even a fuel cell? But everytime I danced with a notion, and came back to you – it was never the same, the spark we had wasn’t there and our relationship became dry and lifeless.
Then I met someone, someone that reignited that original spark. Sure there are a lot of rumors flying around, but its as much of a surprise to everyone and it is to you or me, but it all makes sense. Remember my childhood sweetheart? You know her. Thats right, batteries. No, it’s not like that anymore, not just toys, and never putting out enough, she’s really turned her life around. She’s lost lots of weight, and even though shes seemingly everywhere; cameras, laptops, phones; she always manages to have time for me and my needs. Shes getting off heal coal addiction, and takes her needs constructively, getting her fix from a day in the sun or even a windy day. It’s really refreshing to see someone who is so independent and grounded. And while she can go anywhere she needs to, she is always happy at home, wherever she wants it to be. I’ll probably move out with her soon, maybe we’ll get a car on our own, you know, built ourselves. Maybe one day, we’ll get one built by a proper car maker, but until then we are happy in our own creation. As long as we are together that is what matters.
I know this is a bad way to end it, and I hope we can still be friends. You’ll be back in action in no time anyways, you have your friends. I know in a couple weeks there will be a rich, handsome sportscar owner that will really appreciate you, fulfilling all your needs. Even as your career gets less and les mainstream, but I can’t just get batteries out of my head, and I forsee a long and happy life together.
Oh oil, remember the good times we’ve had? Passing the drivers exam, our first car, the road trip to Mexico; you and I have had some memorable times. While reminiscing is nice, I need to move on, and I think its best if we both see other fuels. I don’t want to hurt you, but I feel we are drifting apart. You are very career driven, rich new friends, practically a higher demographic; $100 a barrel, you’ve made it, Mr. and Mrs. Oil must be very proud. You are moving so fast and it’s impossible to keep up, people are fighting over you and it’s impossible to match the competition. That’s not for me, I had fun at first, we could spend a lot of free time together, we could just go in the car and go for a drive, just because we felt like it. Our relationship used to be about freedom and the open road, now everything requires planning. I don’t like having to live to my life around yours. No matter how much effort I put in, or what changes, you always seem to stay the same. The high maintenance lifestyle i can no long accommodate either, even when you started needing lubricant, which was a stretch at first, the coolants, filters, its just too much.
Oil, I have a confession to make, I haven’t been entirely faithful. It all started on the Internet, as a little innocent fun, an escape from your never ending demands. I started off just looking, mostly at fuels that were out of my reach, I never imagined anything would ever happen – just a silly fantasy really. Can you imagine me with a solar car, or even a fuel cell? But every time I danced with a notion, and came back to you – it was never the same, the spark we had wasn’t there and our relationship became dry and lifeless.
Then I met someone, someone that reignited that original spark. Sure there are a lot of rumors flying around, but its as much of a surprise to everyone and it is to you or me, but it all makes sense. Remember my childhood sweetheart? You know her. Thats right, batteries. No, it’s not like that anymore, not just toys, and never putting out enough, she’s really turned her life around. She’s lost lots of weight, and even though shes seemingly everywhere; cameras, laptops, phones; she always manages to have time for me and my needs. Shes getting off heal coal addiction, and takes her needs constructively, getting her fix from a day in the sun or even a windy day. It’s really refreshing to see someone who is so independent and grounded. And while she can go anywhere she needs to, she is always happy at home, wherever she wants it to be. I’ll probably move out with her soon, maybe we’ll get a car on our own, you know, built ourselves. Maybe one day, we’ll get one built by a proper car maker, but until then we are happy in our own creation. As long as we are together that is what matters.
I know this is a bad way to end it, and I hope we can still be friends. You’ll be back in action in no time anyways, you have your friends. I know in a couple weeks there will be a rich, handsome sports car owner that will really appreciate you, fulfilling all your needs. Even as your career gets less and les mainstream, but I can’t just get batteries out of my head, and I foresee a long and happy life together.
Top 10: Black Males.
Aug 26th
Well, I figured this to be funny. There really is no system for this, just bold opionons.
HM. Kenan & Kel. Nostalgic, I would like to watching it again.
10 (ect). The Cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You fill up my afternoons, I’ll fill you on my website, Thanks for making me feel old by going on Nick at Nite.
9. Tyrone Biggums (Dave Chapelle). Perhaps #9 for coolest black dudes. But #1 by a longshot for crackheads. Shazam!
8/7. Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downy Jr.) / Carl Carlson. Following the trend of fictional characters, the greatest honorary black man, becomes listed as the real deal. And for my friend Carl, its a homage to the Simpsons, who oddly doesn’t fit directly into any immediate stereotype, like the hundreds of others on the Simpsons.
6/5. Wayne Brady / Phil Moore. I’m not sure if Wayne Brady is black, but he is talented, not to mention hilarious. As for Phil Moore, hosting a show where participants compete in a digital world? Sounds like “Gamer” is ripping off “Nick Arcade”.
4/3. Billy Dee Williams / Carl Weathers. Billy, often referred to as the coolest person in the world is definately worth a spot on here. Carl, who not only was the coolest black golfing instructor with a wooden hand, also was on pretty much the greatest sitcom to grace television. Ah, Arrested Development.
2. Levar Burton. The host of a childrens show, that I probably watched being too grown, and then bridging the gap with an ever greater (yet nerdier) show. It’s in a book, just take a look, treacheryisafoot.com! (lame, I know)
1. Bill Cosby. Definately my favorite, props on all the Jell-O impressinations, all flattery. Stand-up act all the way. A good read.